“One certainly has a soul; but how it came to allow itself to be enclosed in a body is more than I can imagine.” – Lord Byron

Do I actually have a soul?

Yes! (Unless we've already removed it for you.)

What does a soul look like?

Every soul looks different. They come in different sizes, colors, shapes and consistencies. You can see examples of some of our patient's souls here.

Don't I need my soul?

Apparently not. After years of research and experimentation, our scientists have determined that the soul is not a necessary part of survival. In fact, 92% of all test subjects report being more content without their souls. But, you won’t be totally soulless after the procedure. Even the most successful extractions remove only 95% of the patients' souls. This may seem shocking to those raised in the Western world, but Taoists have long believed that the way to enlightenment is to simply be, without excess thought or desire.

How is my soul extracted?

After careful testing to ensure a safe de-souling, the patient is placed into a machine that resembles a large MRI unit. The biochemistry behind the procedure is impossible to explain to a layman, but basically, the soul is "tricked" by a chemical that makes it think that the body has deceased. The soul, in a manner of speaking, "rises to the top" like cream separating from milk, where it is then vaporized, extracted from the nervous system, and crystalized in a glass storage jar that becomes the soul's new home until reembodiment.

Does it hurt?

Unlikely. The most common adverse reactions to the procedure is mild nausea.

How will it feel not to have a soul?

This is impossible to predict. Patients have described feeling "lighter" and more "carefree." They experience "fewer dark thoughts." They worry less and want less, and are therefore more content with their daily lives. Some describe the feeling as "empty" or "bored."

Technically, it should be added, you will still retain approximately 5% of your soul.

What if I don't like not having a soul?

We simply put it back. We don't recommend going through the de-souling or re-souling procedure more than 6-7 times a year, but re-souling should restore your soul completely with few side effects.

Where will my soul be stored?

Your soul will be stored in a specially designed storage jar, then placed in a climate-controlled safety deposit box on our premises. Or, should you prefer to avoid New York City sales tax, your soul can be stored in our New Jersey warehouse.

Is it possible to rent someone else's soul?

Absolutely! We have numerous souls from a variety of backgrounds available in our Soul Storage Catalog.

Will I become that person?

Absolutely not. Incorporating another person does not mean you gain all the donor's knowledge, their talents, or the wealth of their experience. You will remain yourself. You will, however, be informed by the donor's soul, which was in turn informed by the life they led. The donor's soul will probably affect your moods, your creativity and other aspects of your personality that may be hard to put a finger on. We also prescribe Pseudoplacebomana, and anti-rejection medicine, to all of our clients to ensure your body will not reject the soul. Simply take 1-2 10mg tablets every 4-6 hours for one week after the procedure.